MONSTRUM

AT_marceline_sighGood news, everyone! There have been a lot of changes to the website + more to arrive. The main goal is to start blogging more often. And, surprise, I’m alive.

It is back to monsters again. I never thought I’d be writing in the horror genre to begin with when I was a teenager. I used to write Hanson fan fiction (yes, I said it…) + generally contemporary fiction. There was a little bit of what some call poetry, but I lovingly prefer ‘word vomit.’ In the end it chalks up to my taste in books, films and music. The darker side is so much more fun. I find myself tangling with character I’d never have bothered with in the past.

12957688_10156742968875394_6852877980755017060_oThe other major distraction in my life has been a fur ball.  Almost a year ago, I adopted this sweet little kitten at a few week old. Her name is Door Ocean, all Neil Gaiman meaning. Door is for a character in Neverwhere, Ocean is for Ocean at the End of the Lane. She is my first indoor kitten, a real big change. She’s very strange + unusual in the things she does, the runt of the litter + wouldn’t change a thing about her. On great many occasion, she tends to close my laptop screen or bat at me from around the laptop to distract. I’ve been adjusting to having a very nosy little thing in my life. Door is spoiled rotten, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

at_nahPretty much, I’m knee-deep in my story about monsters, involving an infamous Shakespeare character, completely rewrote (completed a very detailed outline) of the same Shakespeare piece + it has lead me back to the original story that called to me. Maybe on day I’ll wind up doing the complete rewrite. It’s funny where the journey will take you, sometimes you have to hit those road bumps to keep going ahead, and it can take a long time. I’m grateful for where I am at in this story, still working at it each day when I get a chance.

Otherwise…nothing terribly exciting to report aside from doing more watercolour pieces these days. Watercolour pencils are my medium of choice.

I leave you all w/ some word vomit.

haiku_secretshaiku_theaccident

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Rejection…

tumblr_m35koeCKMX1r2o04io2_250It’s been almost a week since I was seriously deflated. I spent a majority of the past week questioning my writing ability + ideas due to the unfortunate rejection to the Clive Barker anthology. Mainly b/c I’d thought I’d come up w/ very original ideas + concepts. This is a piece that I’d have to completely rewrite since I cannot use the mention of Nightbreed or Midian as they are of Barker’s creation. Not sure when I will get the courage up to even start reading End of All Days again or able to edit. Until a few days ago I was completely unable to write at all (minus the review on Dallas Buyers Club below).

Found out others are curious about what happens to Ava in From Safety to Where (published in Roms, Bombs & Zoms). I had been contemplating adding more of her story in Just Like Honey (story collection), this may give me the extra push. I need to start working on my character building again + stop using my writer’s block as an excuse (even though it does happen + wine hasn’t been working recently).

kidding

Still trying to find a job + becoming seriously frustrated. Two more checks to tide me over, then start to freak out some more. Thankfully I’m not the one to get next week’s rent as I caught the prior week’s. Tomorrow I need to call somewhere I got an interview at to see where they’re at. I would love love love a job at a used bookstore more than words can express.

tumblr_mvbhycuL3N1suzl23o1_250Then there’s the day of doom pending. I don’t look my age at all, but on Thursday I am another year older. I’m thinking starting Thursday I will officially title it an ‘unbirthday’ from here on out. I’m thankful though b/c have family + friends who love me, a roof over my head + fighting chance. There’s someone in my life who thinks I’m absolutely beautiful w/ my flaws + all. There’s others who don’t have such things.

Trying to look at things optimistically. It’s a little on the tough side.

I’ve been doing watercolour, oil pastels, ink + drawing lately. I don’t have a scanner, but I might post some of the images when I take them w/ my phone. On that note, I’m going to continue watching some Louis CK stand-up + continue my oil pastel piece. If I get out two job applications before I unwind after that, I’ll be pleased w/ myself.

XO.

(Images: The Golden Girls, The United States of Tara, The Golden Girls)

Creative Loss

Watching > To Wong Foo Thanks For Everything, Love Julie Newmar
Drinking > ice water

Alive. Funny how often I must reassure this.

The Colorado flood hit where I live + knocked out my wi-fi. Wasn’t a fun experience tied in w/ the cabin fever of being landlocked into the house for far too many days. Laptop went a little haywire for a bit too, which has delayed writing quite a bit. Right now I’m working on the final edit of From Safety to Where for Roms, Bombs and Zoms to send in tomorrow (a little dialogue work, since I’ve finished the edits + corrections).

MP short storiesDeadlines sneaked up on me to where I’m scrambling. I want to get End of All Days done in four days, edited + sent in. It’s too large of an opportunity to miss out on. It’s been strange b/c I’ve gotten a slew of signs, but suddenly my main character clammed up on me. Now I need to drag her out, kicking + screaming if I have to.

There’s a few other small deadlines of some good chances to get my writing out there, but not the end of the world if it doesn’t work. I started work on a short story called Oblivion, it is also due in four days. I need to buckle down + take a page out of a dear friend’s notebook on working to the bone on a project.

In the morning I need to doll up, head over to the DMV + take care of getting an official Colorado license. Later I need to do some weeding in the front yard for an hour or more. Somehow I need to get some time to spit out some writing. It’s a rare day off of work for the first time in a week. There’s organizing to get done, crafts + even more.

nervous breakdownI’m finding that work emotionally drains me w/ the ups + downs, never knowing if I’m in a good place or not. Trying to find a new job, something more substantial where I’m not worn or ripped apart emotionally by the end of the day. Somewhere that I can move up a little bit. Paying jobs are never easy, I realize + I am not afraid of hard work. I do the work, but get so little recognition it is frustrating + then all the negatives are primarily focused on. I am sick of spinning my wheels w/ a department manager who changes moods so inconsistently that I get massive whiplash. It’s so disheartening.

uhhHalf the time I wonder what in the hell I’m doing, trying to make art + writing as a career. I know it’s a tough road + it’s the whole reason I repelled from it for so many years. There’s nothing else that would make me happy though. Work has been draining me of my creativity to the degree where I even rarely produce any art. It just isn’t coming to me + I’m thinking it’s all the stress. It’s to the point where I’m barely eating much + losing my appetite too. I need to apply myself more, but it’s again, very disheartening. Haven’t touched my story collection in a while either, then NaNoWriMo is approaching too. I might have to skip out on NaNoWriMo 2013.

More later. Will try to update more often.

XO.

 

(IMAGES: Monty Python’s Flying Circus, Charade, Once Upon A Time)

 

Exploring Midian…

Wicked Belles is completely off the table, as it is expected that I either provide an artist or do the art myself entirely. I do not have such time for an elaborate project when I have other things I need to do.

hellodeckerI’m finding myself more deeply immersed in End of All Days since I’ve cut off contact from my friends. It’s been startling to understand my main female character all the more, discovering clever ways to tie her into the scenario after being nearly done w/ reading Cabal + having finished watching the Nightbreed movie. I’m kind of excited for the release on dvd + blu-ray of the Cabal Cut of Nightbreed coming out in 2014. It was recently made official too. I’m not sure of what changes there are in this cut, but Barker truly wanted it + I’m guessing it is even closer to what the book was (although w/ Barker’s directing the film it was damn close).

When I came to make a movie about monsters, I wanted to create a world we’d feel strangely at home in. I called it Midian. An underground city peopled with creatures from our darkest fantasies: things that feed on blood; things that avoid the light of day; things repulsive and fascinating; forbidden souls hiding from their cruelest enemy – man…

turdHaven’t made any progress on ukulele as my hands have been hurting worse than usual, but I plan on trying some more tonight since I don’t work today. No details, but it was tough to keep my cool when pushed to the edge the other day at work. It took a lot not to just break down last night after work. I need these next two days off from work. I need to catch up up writing, reading, rest my sore muscles + get a lot of stuff done at home. Especially more job applications.

I must post a review of the new Interior Therapy with Jeff Lewis later on since Jessicka Addams (formerly of Scarling + Jack Off Jill) did the episode. Mum turned it on + I was startled to see a JOJ album cover on the wall, then I saw Jessicka. I’m reading her entry about the episode right now. I’ve always thought that Christian + Jessicka were a cute couple too.

Tomorrow is a busy day; movies w/ mum, go to the bank for my new account, order some things on amazon, film my video for Roms, Bombs + Zoms (if I can get my audio to work when recording it…) + more importantly make sure I am all dolled up for the said video. This all needs to be done w/ a lot of writing time pushed into there too. Today I need to work on laundry, tidying up + writing.

uhhhLast Friday was a blast since my dad had work off, sister was in town w/ her husband + we all got to have fun. Did the Parade of Homes for several hours, went to the mall, had lunch, more Parade of Homes, saw We’re the Millers + ended the day w/ going to Dave + Busters for the first time ever. There was beer involved w/ the movie + the restaurant/arcade after. I was surprised when another co-worker said it was ‘weird’ that I don’t really hang out w/ others recently. Umm…I’ve only been in Colorado for a few months, decide to choose writing over a huge social life + happen to think that hanging out w/ my family is fun. I’m pretty damn lucky on that end, I would say. I’m able to go to a movie + share a beer w/ mum while we laugh hysterically. Then I’m able to go out to dinner, share another beer + play arcade games w/ both parents. How is that weird? Next time I’m telling her that I’m sorry that her family isn’t as fun as mine.

 

(IMAGES: VEEPBeing Human UK)