The Insanity Continues…

Watching > Pillow Talk (1959)
Drinking > water

Stunned to discover my writing schedule will be absolutely crammed until the end of the year. I was approached for permission to use characters I’d created w/ a co-writer years ago, as she wanted to use some of the characters in her novel for NaNoWriMo 2013. The piece we did was never fully completed either, but I agreed on the condition that I was consulted on the story. She knows me well enough to have predicted my reaction, then I said I would be willing to outline the end of the story w/ her before NaNo and additionally pick up the story in December.


This is a schedule w/o including any side projects or short stories I might have a shot at. It isn’t including the loose work I’m doing on my haiku collection whenever I’m inspired. I’ll be able to do it, though it’s all a bit daunting. I’m not quite sure what I’m doing anymore to be completely honest. Tonight I was speaking to a close friend of mine about being hopeful + that she’ll improve over time w/ her writing. She said she didn’t know, but that I am ‘a brilliant writer.’ It’s funny b/c I do not feel like what she calls me. This is the very same friend who said I’m a very brave woman for pursuing a duel career as an artist/author.

LS muffled screamThere’s times were I feel utterly insane for even trying. It’s not luck. I don’t think I’m terribly talented, but know I work hard. It’s truly a matter of knowing how to edit, slice down to the essentials w/o losing your voice in the process + it’s taken me many years to discover this art. I did not have it a few years ago either.

I sat down during my lunch break, the other day, to work on a outline of sorts for End of All Days. Really? I’m not using a lot of it. They were some loose ideas + I decided those were all irrelevant considering the limit of the short story is 5,000 words. It’s still very different to be writing short stories + not lengthy fiction, although I haven’t written anything lengthy in over a year. I did use the deadline to sit there + eliminate anything I felt was unnecessary of O’s path. The only real hint is that my main female character’s name begins w/ an O.

Instead I’ve been doing some strangely impulsive things to connect to my main female character. I had the strangest urge to go to the lake nearby my work I’d only been to on one other occasion, ignored it + then went into work the following day. I got out of work at 7:30 PM + went w/ my urge to go to the lake. I found myself oddly connecting to O in such a profound way. I took in all the scents, then the mournful sound of the train struck me heavily. It was all very inspiring.

Sometimes I think I feel like a lunatic, but several things Tori Amos said about the process of writing really resounds. Searched for a quote, but came up empty. It’s just something I’ve remembered her saying over countless interviews + many things, even live she will say certain songs didn’t want to come out. She’s always viewed the songs as stories coming to her from others, sometimes they didn’t want to talk or communicate either. I completely understand it.

My writing process is a little bit strange in ways. I’ve tried to work on a solid writing schedule, but it’s always a waste of time in the long run. It’s more that I’m inspired at random moments, the voice or story arrives quite inconveniently. I understand my characters on a bizarrely confound level I cannot describe. I fill out character surveys in their voice, sometimes I don’t get much out of them either. O has taken a while to get to open up + she’s irked me on many occasions. Still, I feel strangely connected to her.

whynotStupidly, I’m adding the haiku collection into this all to be completed by the end of September. I’m completely insane. I think I’ll start fine tuning it during my lunch breaks + such. I don’t know what else to do besides release it through CreateSpace as haiku + poetry isn’t such a huge thing these days. I just need to figure out how to connect it to Amazon. Might as well find a source to let the madness out of my head, additionally I’d like the haiku collection to be out on time to give to someone when I see them in October.

Signing off as an utterly insane author…



(IMAGES: Lilo + Stitch, True Blood)


Exploring Midian…

Wicked Belles is completely off the table, as it is expected that I either provide an artist or do the art myself entirely. I do not have such time for an elaborate project when I have other things I need to do.

hellodeckerI’m finding myself more deeply immersed in End of All Days since I’ve cut off contact from my friends. It’s been startling to understand my main female character all the more, discovering clever ways to tie her into the scenario after being nearly done w/ reading Cabal + having finished watching the Nightbreed movie. I’m kind of excited for the release on dvd + blu-ray of the Cabal Cut of Nightbreed coming out in 2014. It was recently made official too. I’m not sure of what changes there are in this cut, but Barker truly wanted it + I’m guessing it is even closer to what the book was (although w/ Barker’s directing the film it was damn close).

When I came to make a movie about monsters, I wanted to create a world we’d feel strangely at home in. I called it Midian. An underground city peopled with creatures from our darkest fantasies: things that feed on blood; things that avoid the light of day; things repulsive and fascinating; forbidden souls hiding from their cruelest enemy – man…

turdHaven’t made any progress on ukulele as my hands have been hurting worse than usual, but I plan on trying some more tonight since I don’t work today. No details, but it was tough to keep my cool when pushed to the edge the other day at work. It took a lot not to just break down last night after work. I need these next two days off from work. I need to catch up up writing, reading, rest my sore muscles + get a lot of stuff done at home. Especially more job applications.

I must post a review of the new Interior Therapy with Jeff Lewis later on since Jessicka Addams (formerly of Scarling + Jack Off Jill) did the episode. Mum turned it on + I was startled to see a JOJ album cover on the wall, then I saw Jessicka. I’m reading her entry about the episode right now. I’ve always thought that Christian + Jessicka were a cute couple too.

Tomorrow is a busy day; movies w/ mum, go to the bank for my new account, order some things on amazon, film my video for Roms, Bombs + Zoms (if I can get my audio to work when recording it…) + more importantly make sure I am all dolled up for the said video. This all needs to be done w/ a lot of writing time pushed into there too. Today I need to work on laundry, tidying up + writing.

uhhhLast Friday was a blast since my dad had work off, sister was in town w/ her husband + we all got to have fun. Did the Parade of Homes for several hours, went to the mall, had lunch, more Parade of Homes, saw We’re the Millers + ended the day w/ going to Dave + Busters for the first time ever. There was beer involved w/ the movie + the restaurant/arcade after. I was surprised when another co-worker said it was ‘weird’ that I don’t really hang out w/ others recently. Umm…I’ve only been in Colorado for a few months, decide to choose writing over a huge social life + happen to think that hanging out w/ my family is fun. I’m pretty damn lucky on that end, I would say. I’m able to go to a movie + share a beer w/ mum while we laugh hysterically. Then I’m able to go out to dinner, share another beer + play arcade games w/ both parents. How is that weird? Next time I’m telling her that I’m sorry that her family isn’t as fun as mine.


(IMAGES: VEEPBeing Human UK)

Man of Steel: Film Review

MOS02When a close friend of mine said that the new Superman film was actually good, I found myself a little floored. This came from one of the pickiest people I have come across. I didn’t bother w/ asking him what he thought of the original films, since I could easily gauge what his reaction might be.  With this being said, I set out to see the film w/in the next few weeks + eventually went w/ my youngest sister.

I grew up watching the original films thanks to my mum + as campy as the might seem now, I still love them. They’re truly in their own field + era. Then again, I’m a little strange + actually enjoy the original Clash of the Titans to this day.

Previous endeavors on the Superman franchise left me disheartened + I’ll admit I didn’t even bother w/ the ones beyond the originals. I took one look at the trailers + decided to not waste my time. It turned out I was right to. I was very surprised that I completely, thoroughly enjoyed Man of Steel.

MOSlaneAmy Adams went onto an late night show to talk about the new Superman film + I rolled my eyes, as this was before my friend encouraged me to see it. I absolutely adore Amy Adams, but I couldn’t quite see her in the role of Lois Lane. It wasn’t even that I was ever into Lois + Clark or Smallville either. She was surprisingly one of the best things about the film. Lois Lane was suddenly brave, daring + adventurous. She playing the damsel in distress. I only saw her fall from the sky once, only to be rescued, but she wasn’t crying out for Clark Kent/Superman. She is by far the most impressively written + acted Lois Lane I have ever seen. The romance wasn’t overkill either. You could see the bonding, the restraint + there wasn’t even a single kiss up until the end.

My sister + I walked into the movie theater not knowing who had produced the film or the actors/actresses involved w/ it; Diane Lane, Kevin Costner, Laurence Fishburne + Russel Crowe. I was very very pleased w/ the casting in the film. It was like a dream cast. I felt the emotions eluding from Costner + Lane, it was beyond words. I hadn’t seen a better set of parents for Clark Kent or the impact both had on him in any of the previous films.

henry cavillHenry Cavill did an amazing job as Clark Kent/Superman. I was surprised to find myself pleased w/ him being selected as the main role. Perfect.

Overall, the film was amazing + only one thing was overdone. I have a love for action movies, but the final action scene dragged out for far too long. It was fine going on for two to three minutes, though when it stretched out for longer, both my sister + I were rolling our eyes. Will I see the next film in the series?

YES! Five stars, amazing cast, well written + no complaints aside from the overdone final action scene. Highly recommended.


drawDidn’t read everything in the details for Wicked Belles, but checking up on if it is essential that the character art + four sequential pages are done. Yes, I’m entirely capable of doing my own artwork, but it’s more of a matter of not having the time at all to do it on top of working w/ a deadline on End of All Days. 

The issue of it? As stated above, I am capable, but I am an extreme perfectionist + it’s the prime reason I haven’t launched my own comic book series for the script I’ve written years ago. I’m alright w/ doing character art + sketches, but beyond that I am not game. The only other thing I would willingly + happily do is cover art every once in a while. I won’t know until later on this, once I get an email reply.

I sincerely do not have the time to tackle an entire 20-40 pages of a comic book w/ art + all in addition to the main thing I want. End of All Days needs to make it into the Clive Barker tribute anthology. I want it more than I can express.


It is a huge goal of mine to get into this anthology as it is not only a tribute to the author who happened to be the very first I read in the horror genre, but also it is hardcover. It is something that will be carried in bookstores.

Alas…sleep is necessary or I will burn out. I know this, as I must work for several hours tomorrow, starting in a mere few hours + need to rest my swollen fingers. So ready to be over this inflammation.


(IMAGE: General Hospital)

The Anxious Author

fiddleFinally received my copy of Cabal to get into the mode of working on End of All Days. I really need it to submerge myself into the concept of ‘monsters’ as it isn’t what I usually read or watch. The only ‘monsters’ I’m very familiar w/ in media are in crime dramas + horror movies. Monsters were never my sort of thing before, so it is definitely new grounds I am breaking. If someone told me I would go on to write about zombies a few years ago, I’d have been in disbelief + laughed terribly hard. Maybe it is the same for monsters? Besides, I need to branch out further in the horror field.

tumblr_molvht1zfi1s7gnr1o1_400It’s been a little too tough to even concentrate on reading w/ the stress of work. If it wasn’t such a roller coaster, things wouldn’t be quite so bad. Taking some St John’s Wart pills have helped balance my anxiety quite a bit, but not really enough. It’s still tough coming to grips w/ serious anxiety + something I am not adjusting well to; especially the restrictions placed on caffeine. It’s been half a year since it first became serious + I know I should be adjusted to it by now. Being on a prescription for nearly two months did help, then I cut myself off of the prescription as I don’t like medication. It pushed the extreme symptoms away + those haven’t risen again. For the most part there’s some chest pain + panicking when at work for the most part. Wanting to start yoga again on days off. I haven’t b/c I’m usually far too worn at the end of a work day. It used to do wonders.

In other news, I’m ready to destroy the printer/scanner, as I have been unable to figure out how to get the scanner working for weeks now. I’ve also successfully made it so I cannot even print off of the damn thing. Everyone else on the network can besides me since I’ve begun trying to figure out how to get the scanner to work. I really need it to work to scan in my artwork, update my sketchbook + try to get some work done as an artist. I did remember that my piece in Shifters isn’t my main debut as I had my design win a t-shirt contest w/ a successful band + it was printed on shirts for a few years. Besides that, nothing in a a long time, but that was my true debut.

wooshSo yes, nothing terribly exciting, but I realize I need to start blogging more often. Plus I’ve been cruising the internet for fitting gif images. Hopefully I get some reading done tomorrow, put in some writing time + get the evil scanner running.


(IMAGES: How to Steal a Million, VEEP + Alice in Wonderland)

Ice Queen in Bubblewrap?

tumblr_inline_mpu689oh4W1qz4rgpThere’s two types of people in the world; those who love to be close to people + those who prefer their bubble of space. Those who are close to people have absolutely no respect for the bubble of those in the opposite realm. It isn’t their fault as they’re blind to how uncomfortable it makes the other person, but it’s obnoxious all the same. They press too close to those who love their bubble of personal space too.

It should be blatantly obvious that I fall into the category of a bubblewrap girl. I have absolutely no issues w/ hugging family members + friends that have been very close to me for years. Sometimes a hug from someone very dear to me will uplift my day completely, but that list is extremely short. I never mind hugging children either. It’s been driving me up the wall lately when people get less than a foot away from my face, brush close to my shoulder or practically push me into a corner.

huggingThe touchy type tend to hug on instinct + it makes me nearly crawl out of my skin. I do not like to hug in greeting + upon saying goodbye unless it is someone I won’t see for a long time. Then I actually like to hug. The two friends I left behind in Utah I do not mind hugging at all, but then again I have known both of them for years. 

It was a strange thing when a mostly absent + distant friend crashed at my place w/ his friends. He came out of the van + hugged me instantly. I’d never hugged this friend before, but now the few times I do see him I look forward to the traditional greeting + goodbye hugs. Again, a rare exception.

This isn’t why I have a lack of social life these days. I do have what I consider to be a social life as all of my friends live distances away. One of my best friends, Krystin, is someone I met during my roughest days while living in Texas. I adore her to death + we both try to Skype at least once a week (if not more). There’s loads of other friends who like to Skype too, text or try to catch up somehow.

tumblr_mqbfu7oWDw1s729mdo3_250My boss asked me today if I do anything outside of the house + I found myself shrugging. I explained that what little free time I have is spent working on crafts, art or writing. I didn’t really go in depth into my writing as I’ve been trying really hard to keep personal matters away from work. Also mentioned how I’m trying to learn the ukulele so I can play a song as an apology of sorts to a very dear friend of mine.

The fact is that I do not notice that I don’t have much of a social life, as it is something that I personally choose. I am taking writing very seriously, crafting is my outlet + way of unwinding too. It’s something I can sit + do while socializing w/ my family. Mum is one of my best friends + I hang out w/ her whenever I have free time too. I don’t see anything wrong w/ it. We talk idly, catch up on our favorite soap opera, she gives me story ideas or tells me about interesting things she saw on television that might inspire me. Next week we’re hitting the movies to see Red 2 together since dad doesn’t care for the movie series anyways.

Being social in Colorado leads to one of two vices; alcohol or weed. I am fine w/ having the occasional beer, but try not to go beyond that + do not tend to go near hard liquor as of the past few years. There’s a deep history w/ greenery + I’m just simply staying away from it, even though it’s legal in this state. Writing is something that keeps me on the straight + narrow. It is something that I am working hard towards + it is my future.

I think very few realize how seriously I take it.

(GIF images: Cristina Scabbia, Toddlers + Tiaras, Cristina Scabbia)

Research World

Wish I had something optimistic to post about, but I don’t. Life is still consumed by some negativity at work, but hoping to get some writing done over the few days off I have. I barely have time to even say hello to friends, chat or even email. I’m an awful friend these days.

Finally ordered Cabal by Clive Barker, which I’ve needed to do for weeks now. I thought I could go off the concept of Nightbreed from the film, but I didn’t quite connect to the subject from something filmed in 1989 + released in 1990, although I did enjoy the film.

Additionally, the comic book spin off is in my position too. Reading issue two at this time. Watching an Shakespeare adaption off of PBS since there’s a particular character I am involving in End of All Days, the tentative title for the piece for the Clive Barker anthology for tales from Cabal/Nightbreed. Small chance I can get it, never know until I try.

A real update later.