A few nights ago, a close friend told me that I’m a very brave woman for perusing writing as a career. I hadn’t taken any of the idea of being an author very seriously until last year, but it was after years of my wanting to hide in the shadows. In the prior years, I’d published under a pen name, but never had a desire for any of it all. I do not feel like a ‘very brave woman’ at all. If anything, I feel completely insane for chasing after the concept of a duel career, yet it is the one thing I strive for. I think that recent events, the naysayers, doubters + those who take advantage of my being kindhearted make me want this more than ever.
To prove a point? No, not really. I just want to do what makes me happy, spread my wings + make something of the complete madness in my head. It’s a mess inside the dark corners of my soul, but they peak out in my writings. Something Clive Barker said a bit ago really stuck with me.
I believe in what I write – not literally in that I believe with the right incantations I could step through into the Imajica, but I believe in the philosophies that underpin my work. Obviously in the case of Weaveworld, because it was set in Liverpool, it had large autobiographical slices in it. I mean, I know all those places very well. I stayed in the hotels that are mentioned in Imajica… I’ve kept company with the same kinds of people as Gentle and Judith. Obviously, when you step into the worlds of the imagination – the Imajica and the Fugue – you become even more autobiographical, curiously because when it is all invention, it really is yourself that you are putting down in writing.
It’s amazing as to how much is autobiographical even in my horror pieces about myself or events that have happened. Now all I want to do is crawl out from underneath the rubble, obtain the psychotic dream of making a living off of what I love + stop being stepped on by others. I wrote a massively huge chunk of biographical events into From Safety to Where being featured in Roms, Bombs and Zoms. Inven
I hate that I have very little time to do anything that I need/want to do to remain sane. The job I have is making me lose what little I have left of my mind b/c the time I do have off is necessary to spend on helping out w/ family. The treatment I receive at work has gotten worse in the past few days + I do not know how much longer I can handle it. There’s very little time to do things at home, besides all of the things I have been forced to put off. It means very little time for writing or getting into that very particular state. I know I need to set aside time to write, but it’s hard once I leave work, take the long drive home + want nothing more than to sleep.
There’s good within all of this darkness. My story collection is officially at fingertips length. I have been given the okay on interior artwork, as well as exterior artwork. This is truly one of my main goals. The title has been changed from Dead Souls to Just Like Honey, with a goal of completion by early October to be edited by my friend Aeryn, then to pass onto the label for a go. Perhaps it will be fully accepted before my birthday in November, would please me greatly. The back + front covers have been sketched out, I am working on the font for the cover also. It is a good distraction during my lunch breaks. It keeps what little sanity I have left in tact.
Too many projects, not enough time.
Now excuse me as I get sucked up into An Affair to Remember as I have an extreme weakness for Mister Cary Grant. I must post up a copy of Shiftersing p in my hands w/ the interesting points about it 🙂