Anxiety

It’s the mean, mean monster that’s been eating me alive for the past few weeks. Some days are far worse than others. Some days truly scare me to death. In the long run? I refuse to be medicated and am trying my best to get it under control myself. It’s made packing quite difficult and other endless anxieties. Combined with my bad back it is awful. Had strange symptoms pop up that I didn’t even know about until I had them, then looked them up to discover it was my anxiety again. I was on the master cleanse for a few days since I’ve had nearly no appetite for the last few weeks, but finally broke it the other day so I could take a bunch of naproxen sodium to ease both my chest pains and back enough to keep packing. Still not eating very much, as it is difficult to without an appetite, but do so at least once a day. I’m avoiding coffee altogether as a close friend expressed I shouldn’t go near it with anxiety. Seriously, anxiety has always nipped at my heels, but since the incident where I had a panic attack that lasted over thirty minutes there’s been a lot of issues that scare me.

refuse to be medicated and put evil into my body. I’m going to try to keep it under control with some methods a close friend suggested and hopefully by using them it will get better with time.

Did have a very good and positive talk with my dad earlier today. I was deflated shortly after by someone else, but decided to end the phone call and calm down. I received a letter from my new assigned pen pal the other day and she discussed having bad anxiety. I think I got her for some strange universal reason. Will write her back when I’m staying overnight in a hotel on Thursday.

Despite being discouraged to, I decided it was best to leave the house for a few hours to take a walk and get a little bit of exercise. I am holed away in a small local coffee shop, listening to classical music and on wifi. I needed this very much and had to submit my stories to an anthology on time. The walk back will be good. When I get home I’ll clean up the entire kitchen, tackle the bathroom in early AM hours and pack after I work on the kitchen. Throwing out a lot of things. Everything is in little boxes I got from the state liquor store. Far easier on my back too.

Finally sent in my artwork and fiction submissions to one of my deadline anthologies. I began working on another semi-planned novel that’s in the guise of fan fiction to see how well it does. If it does well, I’m going to change all of the names in there and try to publish. I just really needed a piece that didn’t put a heavy amount of pressure on me and without a deadline. It’s under my old pen name that I won’t reveal. It’s going really, really well so far. I’m going to start posting it sometime next week and a friend is going to host it on her website.

Not sure if I can go to WHC still. I was emailed about going to the booth for Hazardous Press, but had to reply saying I was not sure if I can attend or not. I asked about art and they’re checking on it for me. If I can go and sell some of my art that would be amazing. I’m pretty good with duplicating my own pieces as my analyzing eye is well-trained with it. It’s partly why I am able to draw as well as I do. I really, really like the publisher a lot. It’s the one I am very loyal to and will go to first for publishing. I’m working on a story collection for them slowly too, fortunately I am not bound by the rules of submission dates as I’ve done a project for them before. Hopefully I do get into the Shifters anthology.

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Desktop Captures 1.0

I think a lot can be said of desktop captures. So I’m sharing mine. I like to keep motivating myself with writing quotes. I still watch Charmed from time to time, still like to watch my soaps also. I only watch Days of Our Lives + Young and the Restless. Was raised on both of them. The Ocean at the End of the Lane is actually a wallpaper for the new Neil Gaiman novel. I love it.

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Nicole Walker is hands down my favorite character on Y+R, but she needs to go back to the ways she used to be. I’m kind of getting sick of the holy version of her. I like the conniving Nicole. I watch my soaps the same way my mum does, w/ the fast forward button ready to skip over whatever story lines I do not care for and select what I like. Sometimes it only takes 15-20 minutes to get through.

Full Plate…

Job hunt going on in a brand new state, moving and other deadlines. Working on a few very serious pieces that could possibly help me break into both fields and make my dreams of a duel career kick started. It might possibly accompany pieces of fiction too. It’s a lot more pressure than I had anticipated.

Anxiety has gone down a great deal since I forced myself to take it easy for a few days. I didn’t like it because it’s put me on a really messed up sleep schedule. So tonight I’m toughing it out with a lot of coffee, stay up all night long and go babysit a friend’s kids. There’s a coffee with five shots of espresso in it cooling down in front of me. I’m sitting in a local coffee shop where a guy is singing on the acoustic. Decent voice, but nothing mind blowing. It’s good mood music.

I’m having a hard time coming up with more ideas for the illustrations at the moment, need to look up a lot more things and on folklore.

Swear when things settle down I’m resuming book/tv reviews, but for now I’ve got moving out of state and deadlines. I will go back to being able to read everyone’s blogs, liking and commenting then too. In other news, this surprised and saddened me…

http://hyperallergic.com/69023/the-shocking-demolition-of-frank-lloyd-wrights-park-avenue-showroom/

Ch-ch-ch-changes….

It is the prime focus of my life. Some of them are very overwhelming changes. One of which came completely out of nowhere, but is definitely for the better. I do not refer to my moving to Colorado or in with family. Life is very strange. That is all I will say of it.

I’m so far from the person I once was a year ago. I don’t think I could have braved even the idea of publishing, writing as much as I do, or even focusing seriously on a duel career. Had a few loose pieces published in the past under a pen name, but that’s different. I was lapsing, feeling very frustrated and tweeted a fellow writer. I’ve been capable as a writer, but have chosen to hone my skills.

Been very overwhelmed with deadlines, which are very hard to meet in the midst of packing and moving my entire life. I met Aprilynne Pike (author of the amazing Wings series) sometime last year (or maybe even longer ago) and she was amazing. She’s also adorable to boot. So incredibly nice and sweet. She wrote me back and said something incredibly insightful she’d learned recently.

Me: When your writing career began to pick up, did you find yourself busier than ever? I’m only on the edge + barely able to cope…

Aprilynne Pike: Hanging by my fingernails sometimes. And word on the street is we are far from alone. I was at a library conference last week & someone said, ‘Most people really think librarians sit and read all day.’ To which I laughed and said, ‘Most people really think authors just sit around and write all day!’ Both egregious lies 😀

I do take this all very seriously as a career. I might not be making very much off of writing yet, but one day I shall. Right now I’m trying to build my art portfolio to be picked up as an artist for covers and art for horror novels. I think I need to take advantage of my hard earned talent and harness it together. I decided long ago that I will always design my covers for anything I publish.

When I break into the comic book world? I plan to do at least one cover per issue set (which usually run from 5-6 issues), if not more than that. I’m designing my characters completely on my own and will do at least the first few pages of the first issue to get it picked up by a label.

Is it so amusing that I plan to break into more fields already. I’ve always been taught to dream big, a friend of mine has always dreams larger than life and he manages to accomplish so much it is amazing. He is living proof that all is possible if you work hard and believe. My parents encourage me to dream big also. Mum is incredibly proud and brags quite a bit. It’s very cute.

I do not restrict myself in my projects and I think it’s key. I don’t think of myself in singular terms. Anything creative works.

The future is so unclear. It’s a beauty and a curse.

Open Letter to Barnes + Noble

I am a long time customer of Barnes + Noble since I was a child, but there’s a matter that has been bugging me for a long time. I am a steady and consistent customer of the store. There are no plugs in the cafe. I’ve spoken to friends who have been to other locations across the United States and they’ve had the same issue. One friend keeps telling me to sit where I can with a plug.

The problem with this is that there are plugs all over the store, excepting for in the cafe. When I do happen to sit down, it is cross-legged and against the wall. I do not have a very good battery, which means without the plug I am only there for about an hour.

I absolutely love the atmosphere, but this is becoming a huge problem as clerks come up to me and tell me to move. One even told me that I was a roadblock, when there was more than enough space. There’s nowhere on the floor to go and all these plugs. I know that the store prides itself on the free wi-fi, but what is the point when there’s nowhere to plug in laptops?

Today I was told to move after ten minutes. In response I decided to walk down the street to a local coffee shop, where there’s an overabundance of plugs next to tables and excellent customer service. I wasn’t told that I was a nuisance. I wound up buying a cup of coffee there instead too.

I really wish something would be done about this.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Kris Freestone

VEEP: Season 1 (Review)

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I have been a long time fan of Julia Louis-Dryfus. My mum introduced me to her in the 90’s as Elaine in Seinfeld and we watched the episodes religiously to the very end of the series. The New Adventures of Old Christine was introduced in two whole seasons as a Christmas gift. I loved it so much, beyond words and Wanda Sykes was an amazing addition to the cast. I still only have the first and second season, but want the following seasons and still sad the series ended. I was so pleased when Louis-Dryfus was nominated and winning for her new series on HBO called VEEP. Only recently did I get the pleasure of finally seeing VEEP.

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VEEP falls into the category of awkward mockumentary and basically and R-rated version of The West Wing. I am not usually a fan of this category at all. I tried to get into The Office and found I preferred the UK version, despite the American version giving the boss some leeway of some sort because of his sheer stupidity. Arrested Development was an amazing exception, introduced to me by an old friend. Couldn’t get into Parks and Recreation either. I find that the older I get, the pickier I become with my selections.

veep-anna-chlumsky-1Anna Chlumsky is in the prime roles of the series. I was so happy to see her in a role where she can finally stand out as I’ve been a fan since I was young. I loved her in My Girl + My Girl 2. I never did get to see what she grew up to be, but discovered her acting skills have only grown infinitely and she portrays the role of Amy in VEEP superbly. Her character is thrown under the bus countless times and takes the rap for Selina’s misguided messes. She genuinely loves her job and hangs onto it for dear life. In the end of the first season, she takes a huge bomb for the vice president and without blinking twice.

veep_castIt is incredibly cast with another familiar face in the awkward documentary style series by tying Tony Hale onto the cast as Gary. I became familiar with him through Arrested Development as Buster Bluth. He sincerely cares for the vice president and waits for her as though it’s a religion. He is also the ultimate punching bag.

julia-louis-dreyful-veep-episodic-hbo-325The vice president fumbles for clarity and to accomplish something worthwhile. Selina Meyer is self-absorbed as the vice president of the United States of America. She definitely falls over her own feet many times, shoves her foot in her mouth so many times I manage to lose count and manages to land on her feet somehow. It is a wonder that she survives.

I mostly want to beat up Jonah Ryan, also am serious repulsed by him. Which means they accomplished exactly what they intended. It doesn’t help that he reminds me of a relative of mine that seriously bugs me and is of the same height.

I am dying for the second season that begins this month.

Okay kittens, time to get drowned.”
– Selina Meyer (VEEP: S1: E7)

My name is Kris Freestone and I approve of this AD.

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She Lives!!!

Found out the status of the story waiting in limbo land. There’s still over 150 stories for the publisher to go through and then they’re going to narrow down the shortlist. Unfortunately, I’m in the huge number of those who are waiting to be gone through. Let’s just say that I am no longer feeling remotely optimistic with how much time has gone by of waiting. I haven’t withdrawn my submission because my story collection isn’t even done.

Still working on HEART + SOUL in spurts, finished two charcoal pieces for it too. Not working on it as heavily as I was before because I needed to step back from the writing process because I will not be releasing it any time soon. I decided that I do not feel comfortable with sharing something so personal at this stage in my writing career. Nor will I ever release it without permission after someone looks it over. I will try to loosely write another haiku collection, but not on the same subject as the last. I really cannot explain other than I won’t be releasing it any time soon due to personal reasons.

Began work on a piece for Specter Spectacular II: 13 Deadly Tales and plan to get that in on the very first day of submissions. No more of this awful waiting game for me, I’d rather be one of the first given a verdict than to squirm on end. The research I’ve done for the story was completed a month ago. I wrote out the synopsis, overall idea, but am not sure of where it is going. The truth is that I never know where I’m going until it takes me. Writing is like shining a lantern over a path of bricks only a few steps ahead with no end in sight.

Making surprising progress on a piece for the story collection. It continues to remain untitled. I really wish I could stick a working title on it, yet it hasn’t worked at all. I wound up disliking the original, not sure about the secondary title and heavily debating calling it Just Like Honey. It would be after one of the pieces in there. If Dead Souls doesn’t make it into Night Terrors III: Anthology, it will wind up in there for sure.

Transitioning to writing flash fiction and short stories has been a strange process for me. For years I couldn’t work on anything where I wasn’t able to heavily develop characters and plot lines.

It’s been a lot of late nights trying to find sleep. I’ve been drinking sleepytime, kava or tension tea to sleep. It helps relax a lot, but doesn’t make me fall asleep too often. Sometimes it really works if I’m lucky or if I exhaust myself. Lately I just sleep like the vampiress I am, a sleep schedule I’ve developed over the past two months. Doesn’t help that my old job had several graveyard shifts in it.

Started with some deep cleaning of my bedroom, organizing and getting ready to pack. I still need to call around to places for extra boxes. Got the cleaning list from my landlord to get my deposit back too. I’ve been really busy, helping a friend out and watching her kids when she has to work. Paid a little, but I am applying to new jobs where I’m going to be moving. A little scared I won’t make the money on time to attend the convention in NOLA.

Going into a strange love of dark movies again. True Romance and Django Unchanined are both ones I’ve seen at least twice of each this week. I love the soundtracks and selections of Tarantino. I need to watch some more movies of his. My sense of humor can be very dark at times, Tarantino knows how to make me laugh too. Other dark films? I recently finally saw Near Dark, Less Than Zero and Control (2007). Also will be less dull here as I have at least two reviews that need to go up and I will queue them.